I made a pretty bad mistake. My heart has hardened alot in the past 2 years due to my constant transgressions and unthankfulness for the bounties the Almighty (SWT) had bestowed on me. I’m narcissistic, i have an inferiority complex, I’m arrogant, materialistic, a people pleaser, I’ve engaged in zina and masturbation, and I’ve done many sins in my past. But with all my flaws I know my heart is in the right place I know despair is a sin but I can’t help it due to my situation (it was my own fault and I take responsibility for it and can only hope that Allah (SWT) forgives me. I’m not doubting his mercy but I feel ready to give up, and yes suicide did cross my mind countless times but I couldn’t do that to my family, plus an eternity in hell isn’t worth it) please help me.